Jessica Simpson looks scary on the cover of Bazaar

Simps is really not a bad looking girl. You just got sick of looking at her face, that's all. And I think we can blame that on Papa Joe, so really, she's blameless. However, I am deeply disturbed by her August cover of Harper's Bazaar:

Okay, so I'm used to seeing her looking like she's got that skin condition you get when you eat too many carrots and you turn orange. And I'm also used to seeing her smile a little too wide. Honey, we get it, you've had great dental work, please stop trying to rub it in. Nay, I think what scares me the most about this picture is that it doesn't even look like Jessica. Who does it look like? Well, maybe a wax figurine of Jessica Simpson, or a plastic surgery addict who wanted to look like Jessica but didn't quite get the chin right. Did you look at that thing closely? My God, it looks like it's about to split down the middle and poop out a baby alien. Great, now I've thoroughly spooked myself and it's just getting dark.