Sunday, October 19, 2008

This Horse is Smarter Than You

Meet Cholla (pronouced 'Choya') an artist from Reno, NV who, at the age of 24, is already winning awards at juried art competitions in Italy and getting solo exhibits from San Francisco to New York. Oh, and he's a horse. Apparently he miraculously 'picked up' painting after he got into the habit of following his owner around when she painted the fence outside his corral. Eventually, she saw his potential to make money and gave him a paintbrush, watercolors, and a piece of paper. The rest, as they say, is history. His work has been (unironically) compared to Jackson Pollack and Resnick, and his paintings have sold for up to $2,200. Which clearly must make his owner and "assistant" Renee Chambers very, very happy. Shit, I'd be happy too if I had a horse that paid his own rent.

Art lover and critic John Yimin said of viewing Cholla's work on video: "I saw intelligence, purpose, and a differing vision exposed to me for the first time. I was and remain awed."
Fun fact: a horse has a brain comparable to the size of a large walnut!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Good Shit

What do you get when you mix the zen-like genius of Barack Obama, the pop culture appeal of MTV, the outstanding graphical lyricism of Shepard Fairey, and a shockingly unoffensive white rapper? This uplifting video from a a progressive interactive communications agency located in San Rafael, CA called Ursa Minor. Watch it and just try not to have warm, fuzzy feelings inside. I dare you.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


What in Baywatch hell happened to Pamela Anderson? She looks like she did one-too-many rails off a stripper's ass last night and got woken up by a dickslap to the face. Poor lamb needs to bathe in virgin's blood. It works for Nicole Kidman.

I'm beginning to think there's a Baywatch curse. David Hasselhoff, you're next.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Hills is Back Bitches

And it's more boring and self-absorbed than ever. No, that's a good thing! It's what I like best about this show. I don't know who started that rumor that the 4th season's viewership was down, but they are obviously smoking butt hair, because it was explosive and my modern-day hero Justin Bobby was back in action as Chicklet-Teeth's main dildo, so I was ecstatic. And Spencer was an amazing douche, as always. I can't wait to follow these whores around for another season of pointless awkward silences and forced drama!

Spaghetti Cat!

A rep for Fox finally solved the mystery of Spaghetti Cat! Basically it was a completely random image of a cat eating spaghetti that popped up during a broadcast of The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. They were discussing binge drinking and all of a sudden, without warning or provocation, the picture of Spaghetti Cat flashed on the screen. After a few seconds it went back to some teen sluts talking about binge drinking again. According to Fox's spokesbitch, Fox will show that image every time someone uses inappropriate language. They call it the new "bleep photo." 

I hope they have Denise Richards on that show soon. That way we'll get to see as much of Spaghetti Cat as possible. Hell, we'd see more of Spaghetti Cat than we would of Denise's fug face.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Ok Weezy, stop talking now

Weezy F. Baby was spitting some more nonsense at Blender Magazine this month. Mostly, it was all in good fun. When asked how he likes to waste time (and specifically, what he likes to watch on TV), he said,
"I don't watch anything where they go 'action' and 'cut' cause that means its not real. If I wanna see some acting, I can get 15 naked bitches to act out a scene. I'm a real life nigga. Life's too short for me to die tomorrow and the only thing I know about is the last episode of Law and Order."
But then he spilled this disturbing information:
"I wasn't ever no action-figure kid, if I wanted to fight, I'd fight for real." Wayne thanks his mother, Cita Carter, for this mentality. A tough-as-nails chef, she raised him by herself, teaching him early on how to act like a man. When he was in junior high, she gave him his first Glock, with instructions to empty it into the first guy that messed with him.
Maybe I'm just a little hyper-sensitive right now because I just finished the gut-wrenching 4th Season of The Wire, but WTF kind of woman does that shit? Was she trying to get him killed? I know I'm not allowed to have an opinion on this because I didn't grow up on the streets, I'm white, and I've never had the pleasure of being introduced to the juvenile justice system, but it seems to me that giving your middle school child a handgun only sets them up for, well, failure. In the form of death or dismemberment.

I wish he'd stop trying to rep his fucked up childhood like it's something to emulate. Inner city kids have enough obstacles to deal with. SMH.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

This is a load of shit

That old ho John McCain is trying to sully Obama's reputation by comparing him to skanks like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. All on the basis that he's reached a celebrity-like status. Ok look, just because he's smarter, more charismatic, better looking, and younger than McCain's ancient ass doesn't make him anything like Brit Brit Spears or Parasite Hilton. In order to be like them he'd have to start sleeping with half of Hollywood, spreading venereal diseases, showing papz his meat curtains, talking in a fake British accent, and living on a diet of Fraps and Cheetos. As far as I'm aware, he's not doing any of that.

Sorry McCain, you lose. And you're old.

Douche Bag

Finally, a definitive guide to identifying and singling out douche bags. It's pretty comprehensive, but they forgot to mention a douche bag bathes in Axe body spray and is more likely than not to be from certain parts of New York, New Jersey, Orange County, Miami, and San Diego. Unfortunately, they are definitely not isolated to those areas. If you ever come into contact with a particularly obnoxious douche, just tell him you saw a chick checking him out who looks like Amy Smart. Douches love Amy Smart.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Separated at Birth--haha

The cat has the squint down perfectly.

Monday, July 28, 2008

A Hooker was almost run over by a bike

Hohan was out with her hot bitch of a girlfriend this weekend when she was struck by a motorcycle outside of a nightclub. He may have just "sideswiped" her, but I have this delicious picture of her freckled, fire-crotched ass flying across the street and landing in a pile of steaming poo, so I'd like to think it was a little more spectacular than just getting 'nudged' out of the way.

Of course, Michael Lohan was sure to cancel all his church-related activities that day so he could field calls from reporters and tell them that she's doing "fine." He said, "She's not hurt. That's all I really care about." Ohh, stab at White Oprah! Expect a counter-statement from her in 5,4,3,2....

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Sherri Sheperd is Profoundly Retarded, part II

This holier-than-thou bible-thumping illiterate half-ape has said some pretty retarded things in the past. She thinks the earth is flat, Christianity predated Judaism, and Shirley Ceasar is the black Patti LaBelle. Nuff said. But now bitch has opened her fat mouth again and revealed that not only is she a hate-mongering narrow-minded cow, she's a hypocritical hate-mongering narrow-minded cow. Go figure!

She recently told a Christian women's magazine: "I've had more abortions than I'd like to count." Apparently she used to be a Jehovah's Witness and a crackwhore, but Christianity changed all that. She said, "I ask the lord, 'why am I here?' I have to trust God when he says 'Because I said so.'" 

She also has to trust me when I tell her that God wants her to take a meat tenderizer and give herself a hysterectomy. We can't have this woman procreating. At least she doesn't vote.

Separated at Birth

On the left, Anderson Pooper. On the right, the Silver Fox himself. Which one would you rather hit? I'm not sure. On one hand, it would be weird having sexy times with a cat...and on the would be weird having sex with someone who keeps calling you 'daddy' and begging you to stick a remote control in his Xenu hole. 

I'd go with Anderson Pooper.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Send them to Iraq!

In their relentless pursuit of infamy, dumb twatface and her whorebag BF want to go to Iraq to perform for the troops and show their young Republican pride. Because that is just exactly what shell-shocked marines on their fourth tour of Iraq want to be subjected to: the pathetic wail of a plastic horsey-faced donkey--and her significant other's creepy flesh-colored beard. 

When I carefully consider the possibilities though, I have decided it would be an excellent idea to send these cuntfucks to Iraq, as they conveniently personify everything that is wrong with America. But they better not fucking survive, or they'll have fodder for their next reality show.

Real Scary

Ahhhh! What the hell is Tomkat doing?! Why are they looking at me like I just questioned the existence of Xenu? This is the last thing you see before they capture you and chain you to a toilet in the basement of the Scientology Center with nothing but a bucket of barley water and a copy of Battlefield Earth. Scary stuff.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Reunion time, bitches!

There were so many "oh-holy-hell-i-can't-believe-he/she-went-there" moments on the Real World XX reunion episode, I don't even know where to begin. Will got called out for being the biggest whore in RW history, Joey revealed that you can now go to your local hairdresser and request "the Joey" (see above), and Brianna proved she was the only one of these tards with the self-awareness and maturity to look back on the experience in a reasonably levelheaded manner. She even forgave Kimberly and Sarah for being insufferably narrow-minded, hate-mongering bitches. I kind of love her now.