In maybe the most awesome news ever, Paris Hilton is preparing herself for immortality by investing large sums of money in the Cryogenics Institute. You heard me right. Paris wants to be cryogenically frozen with her two dogs, Tinkerbell and Cinderella. Here's what she had to say:
"Almost all the cells in the body are still alive when death is pronounced... if you're immediately cooled you can be perfectly preserved. My life could extend by hundreds of thousands of years!"
Holy mother of God. Dear Jesus. WHY? I mean, don't get me wrong, I would be ecstatic if Paris had her head frozen in a jar, but what about future generations? Are we really so nearsighted that we can't see the bigger picture? Imagine the damage she could do a thousand years from now. Who knows what kind of technology they'll have. What if they clone her? What if she steals a time machine and makes herself Rupert Murdoch? Can you imagine if our media was controlled by Paris Hilton? 24-hour news networks devoted to Paris, The Real World starring seven Parises...Could you live with yourself knowing full well that this is the legacy you'll be passing on to future generations? Well I don't know about you, but I actually have a soul. I won't let this happen!
No comments:
Post a Comment