Okay.....whoa......deep breath. It's just Paris Hilton. Paris Hilton getting paid 1 million dollars to spend 23 days in a minimum security white-collar resort prison. What makes me so angry about that? People have done worse things. There was...Hitler. Yeah, Hitler was a much bigger asshole than Paris. And there was...um.....oh, well I can't think of anyone in history who presents a more despicable example of humanity than Paris Hilton. So I guess....you win this round, Paris. But just you wait. Your time will come. We will tire of you. You will get older....saggier....your feet (seemingly impossibly) will become even bigger. Your hair will thin. You will retreat to Boca Raton, Florida where you will spend your final days alternating between fits of "Where did all the papparazzi go?" to "Oh my God, what is that shriveled, leathery-skinned troll doing in my room...!" and then you'll realize that you're looking in a mirror. And I will be there to see that day. And I will laugh. It will be a cackling, dry, old lady laugh that will ring in your ears and keep you from sleeping at night. I can be really creepy when I want to.
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