As in, everyone who's anyone is doing it: Britney, Katie Holmes, Salma Hayek, Naomi Watts, Christina Aguilera, and now, horror of all horrors, perhaps even Nicole Richie?! Christ, these people act like having a child is about as complicated as buying a coffee table. I'd love to see the look on Nicole Richie's face when she finds out the manspawn that currently may or may not be occupying her womb is going to live for like, 70 years and need to be cared for. As in like, fed. Clothed. Watered. Maybe even coddled now and then. It will poop. And cry. A lot. I bet you she hasn't even thought about any of this. Like, in her head she's going, "okay, cool, I'm just going to get pregnant long enough for this whole DUI charge-thingy to blow over, then I'm gonna like, suck it out with a Turkey baster...or wait, maybe I'll have it because I really would look sooooo cute all barefoot and pregnant, and as much as I loathe the thought of gaining enough weight NOT to expose my entire skeletal structure, it will just be another opportunity to prove to the world that I'm like, so not anorexic. I'm pregnant for chrissake! How can a pregnant chick be anorexic?! It's like, impossible!! Then I can have it and give it to Angelina Jolie or whatever...yeah, that's right...whatever..."
Sound logic, sweetheart, but first of all, I seriously doubt that Brangelina will be interested in adopting a child that is 3/4 white, and second of all, the chances of you surviving a pregnancy are something like my chances of getting a hot date with Gael Garcia Bernal that ends in me licking whipped cream from his nipples. As in, like, zilch.
And as for the rest of you wenches, I don't know what to say. A baby is not a maltipoo you can carry around as an accessory and then throw away when you tire of it and decide that teacup chihuahuas are more "your thing." And besides, wearing black is much more slimming than being pregnant. Trust me.
Note: ultra-flattering picture of Nicole comes courtesy of celebitchy.com
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