RIP Teddy

The cute little guy on the right is Theodore O'Connor, the first pony in history to compete at the Pan Am games, where he led the US Eventing Team to a gold medal. He was slated to represent the US at the 2008 Olympic games in Beijing with his rider, Karen O'Connor. Unfortunately, he died in a tragic accident at his home barn on Thursday, May 29.

Teddy, who was 1/4 Thoroughbred, 1/8 Arabian, and 1/8 Shetland pony, stood at only 14.2 hands--that's practically a midget compared to his 16+ hand competitors. But, rider O'Connor says, "The first time I saw him jump, I was stunned by his athletic ability and scope for his size. I mean, you were in the presence of something that is at the very 1 percent of the class or less."

RIP Teddy. Sadness.

Manbabies

Just because:

GET MORE AT ManBabies.com!

RIP Kim's old face

A moment of silence, please, for the Kim that was:

Let us take a moment to remember that in spite of her knifed up appearance, she is still, essentially, the kind of woman who will rap about this:

"I used to be scared of the dick
Now I throw lips into the shit
Handle it like a real bitch..."

And for that, I love her.

Hilarity

I cannot believe I haven't seen Rosie O'Donnell's Oscar-worthy portrayal of a mentally challenged fat chick in Riding the Bus with My Sister. Now that looks like a good movie. Although I'm pretty sure it's offensive to retarded people. Which means it is also hilarious.

Happy Birthday, Slut!

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt turns 2 today, and she's hoping that means Angie Jo will finally let her live in the house with the rest of the beautiful brown-skinned children. Shiloh probably has her very own slave quarters where she's fed dog's milk and forced to wait on Zahara hand and foot. And you just know Zahara is a demanding bitch!

The bottom line: Angie only wants brown babies to come out of her hooha, and she doesn't take kindly to these milky white ones that keep popping out. I feel sorry for the unborn twins.

Fug

Brooke is so stoned in this picture, it's painful to look at. She probably needs a bottle of Gatorade and a nap. Smoking a personal blunt will do that to you. Bitch should have packed a bowl instead.

Also, this is why females shouldn't wear grills.

Lindsay is tappin' that

God, I apologize for the overabundance of Hohan related posts. It's almost a sickness I have. But then again, if the Lohan family weren't all such spectacular cunt-whore-douches, I wouldn't have as much to say about them.

Anyhoo, Lindsay and Samantha Ronson are 'out' of the closet about their supposed romance. They partied on Diddy's yacht yesterday and were all over each other. Photogs caught pictures of them kissing, holding hands, and generally undressing each other with their eyes. Do I think Lindsay is a lesbian? No. She's just a plain and simple whore. Lindsay just wants someone to bury their face in her clammy crevice at the end of the day. As long as that happens, she's all good.

I can't wait to hear what White Oprah has to say about this. Oh, lemme guess: "Lindsay is fine. She's amazing. She's in a really good place right now."

Dumb Skanks

White Oprah and her cash bitch Ali were on Showbiz Tonight whoring themselves out for their hot tranny mess of a reality show, Living La Vida Lohan. And in response to perfectly reasonable questions about how W.O. plans to avoid turning her youngest daughter into a more dysfunctional carbon copy of her older sister, W.O. got all this hot air up her ass and couldn't understand what the problem was, because Lindsay is "successful." For a fame-slut like W.O., any publicity is good publicity. Whether Ali gets onto the front page of Us Weekly for starring in her own Disney Channel show or giving R. Kelly head in the back of an alley is ultimately irrelevant. Success in the Lohan household is measured in terms of quantifiable press coverage.

Check out the video here. You know that if you get schooled by a Showbiz Tonight reporter who probably couldn't argue his way out of a wet paper bag, you really are a dumb skank ho.

These must be from Wonky's shoe line

Well it's that time of the year to shop for new stripper shoes again. My old ones have collected their fair share of bukkake stains, so I need to fork over money for a new pair. Luckily, some genius invented the stripper shoes you see above with a built-in tip jar. No more fumbling around for dollar bills. No more of those nasty pervs sticking a finger in your asshole when they reach over to tuck bills into your thong! This will revolutionize stripping as we know it. And at only $47.99, I can afford to get them in "bitch black" and "creamy cum white." I love America!

Adam Brock: redefining cool since 2008

I sound like a broken record, but The Paper is a really, really, really, really good fucking show. And Adam Brock (pictured above doing some 'sweet dance moves' with his teacher, Ms. Weiss, and the protagonist, editor-in-chief Amanda) is so my favorite. He's the kind of guy who says "OMG, this is like West Side Story" when the newspaper staff erupts into warring factions. He's gayer than Tom Cruise's ladyboner over Will Smith, but he's totally the friend you wish you had in high school. Someone catty and self-assured who goes to see High School Musical on Ice but is still friends with the jocks. 

On the latest episode, he gets voted Homecoming King after exhaustively campaigning for the role against some uberjock. And he says he wants to win because he wants to "redefine cool" and show that even a pretty much openly gay dude whose preferred mode of communication involves screaming, crying, and numerous pop culture references, can be prom king. So suck it.

OMG nails!

Brooke Hogan is probably a man. And by probably I mean she is definitely, with 100% certainty, in possession of a Y chromosome. I mean, her appearance speaks for itself:


If that's not a hot tranny mess, then I don't know a hot tranny mess when I see one. And I'm a consummate professional at identifying hot tranny messes. On a side note, I am totally in love with her ho-tastic nails. The last time I saw fakies that long I was watching Sargent Caroline Mason on the First 48. She's a hot bitch. Here's a clip of her being cooler than you:

This ain't right

Disney just came out with a noose necklace as part of their Pirates "Dead Man's Chest" collection. Which is uh, interesting. In a let's-glorify-the-kkk-and-tell-kids-to-buy-our-shit kinda way. All Miley did was show a little back! WTF is up with this ish?!?!

Huh?

Lil' Wayne told Blender Magazine:

"The world is about to end in 2012… ’cause the Mayans made calendars, and they stop at 2012. I got encyclopedias on the bus. The world is about to end as we know it. You can see it already. A planet doesn't exist - there's no more Pluto. Planes are flying into buildings - and not just the Twin Towers. Mosquitos bite you and you die. And a black man and a woman are running for president."

Think he was sippin' on that syzzurp? Or is he just plain 'ol crazy?

I can't rationally explain it...

But I love this kid. Maybe it's because of his nefarious reputation as a crazy motherfucker who will do and say anything (see below). Maybe it's because his delusions of grandeur are somehow endearing and hilarious at the same time. Maybe it's the fact that he has "Fear" and "God" tattooed on his eyelids. And when he says shit like this, I love him even more:

"I don’t do too many (drugs). I just smoke weed and drink. But I’ll never fuck with no more coke. It’s not about the bad high, it’s just about the acne. Cocaine makes your face break out. I’m a pretty boy."

I mean hey, whatever works, right? Now if only that Syrup would cause some kind of unsightly skin condition, maybe he'd back off that shit too.

Post Mortem: The Hills Season 3

If you like awkward silences, watching rich bitches eat and shop at places you could never afford, and vapid social discourse, you will LOVE the season finale of The Hills! Of course I loved it, but I'm a masochist. I get off on watching six hour marathons of Intervention. It's not normal.

I've also decided The Hills isn't quite as fake as Heidi's face. Yes, 90% of the drama is carefully orchestrated by people who can't bother to ensure continuity, but this show is way too fucking boring NOT to be partly real.

On a side note, you know what is as fake as Heidi's face? Heidi's face. Just look at her before (season 1):

And now (season 3):


I mean shit, she practically got her chin removed--that reminds me, she should give the name of her surgeon to Rumer (Mrs. Potatohead) Willis. That girl could DEFINITELY benefit from a chin-reduction.