WTF?

I just realized something that will blow your mind: Kathy Griffin looks like Andy Dick in drag. Seriously.

Popwreck

Britney has completely fucking lost it. All she does is make repeated, pointless trips to gas stations and convenience stores--ostensibly for stolen lighters and cheetos, but we all know the real reason: bitch can't get enough of those papz! They're her best friends!

Last night she topped even her usual antics by taking one of the photogs back to the Peninsula Hotel with her. He didn't emerge until 4a.m., and left saying he needed a cigarette. Ugh. I would rather be forced to watch that 2 Girls, 1 Cup video on loop while eating chocolate ice cream than have that mental image pop into my head.

Someone get me a coat hanger

So unless you live at the bottom of a very deep well, you know that Jamie Lynn, Britney's 16-year-old sister, is with child.

Remember when The National Enquirer broke a story about her being pregnant all the way back in July? Well, they got sued for it, but it looks like maybe the only time in history they can actually say, "we were right." They've just released a (hilarious) letter written to them by Jamie Lynn's lawyers at the time they broke the story:

"Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith.
There is no “rumor concerning Ms. Spears' (non-existent) pregnancy, except perhaps for the baseless rumor just now being created by the National Enquirer.
Ms. Spears is not pregnant. It is pathetic for the National Enquirer to attempt to create a wholly baseless rumor that Ms. Spears is pregnant, so it can run a malicious story and false story which would be emotionally devastating to a morally upright 16 year old girl."

Apparently "living in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards" includes moving in with and getting knocked up by your boyfriend when you're 16. So um....that's cool. And by cool I mean completely hypocritical.

Too bad, she was going to be the cute one too. Now she's going to blow up like a goddamned Macy's Thanksgiving Day float.

The coolest story ever turns out to be false

If this had been true, it would have made the birth of Jesus look about as important as Britney's 17th daily trip to Starbucks. Seriously.

So apparently Wayne was talking to some reporter from O.C. Weekly about doing a musical collaboration with Zac Efron because he wanted to "reach those suburban white kids like Kanye did." Then suddenly, "as if on cue," Zac came in the room, said, "What's up my nigga?" Gave Wayne a pound, and planted a big fat, juicy kiss right on his lips. The reporter wrote: "Obviously, Efron is going to have to work harder to squelch rumors surrounding his sexual orientation."

Okay, first of all, Wayne should know that if he's a rapper, he already has the suburban white market cornered (they can't get enough of that shit). And second of all, there's nothing Zac Efron can do to squelch rumors surrounding his sexual orientation. He could videotape himself fucking a line of 50 chicks while throwing footballs and he'd still be gayer than a dog in pink sunglasses.

Anyway, like all really good, awesomely juicy stories, this one was a complete fabrication. The editor of O.C. Weekly contacted PerezHilton.com, saying, "I just wanted to clarify that the Zac Efron and Lil' Wayne story is purely fictional and is simply intended as a joke (and a hysterical one at that)."

Michael Lohan puts his acting chops to the test:

Michael "hey, remember me?" Lohan was participating in a nativity reenactment in Times Square last night. He played the part of Joseph. Which is in no way ironic. Apparently he spent most of the performance cradling a plastic baby Jesus. Then some bystander said, "Hopefully that baby Jesus turns out a little better than Lindsay." And hilarity ensued.

Happy Holidays!

This is awkward

Tommy Girl has been following Will Smith around like a lovesick puppy. He was there when Will put down his hand prints in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater, and he was there last night at the NYC premiere of "I Am Legend." Then cameras caught this intimate moment between the two of them:
Umm...geez, get a room, guys. It looks like Tommy leaned in for the kiss and Will switched it up last minute to go for the bro-pat-on-the-back. He's probably thinking, "Not in front of the kids, my love. Later we shall lie supine, entwined in each other's arms and clutching at each other's man-parts..."

I'm beginning to think Scientology is some kind of recovery/brainwash system for gay men in Hollywood who can't be out of the closet because of their careers. The evidence is piling up...

Justice is served

Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick was just sentenced to 23 months in prison for his participation in an illegal dog fighting ring. I just love it when the legal system takes it's head out of its ass for five seconds and deals out an appropriate penalty.

I remember when Whoopi Goldberg defended him by saying, "You know from his background this is not an unusual thing for where he comes from..." and "This is part of his cultural upbringing." Uh, so I guess she meant that being black and from the South is an excuse...because those people don't know right from wrong. Which is total bullshit. He wasn't dogfighting because he's black, or because he was raised in the South. He was dogfighting because he's a fucking ass-clown. Period.

Germany tries to make up for Holocaust; bans Scientology

Top officials announced today that they are seeking a ban on the Church of Scientology because it "threatens the peaceful democratic order." The interior ministers wouldn't disclose any specific information about the ban, but said,

"From a number of sources, some of them not available to the public, it has been determined that (the organization) seeks to limit or rescind basic and human rights, such as the right to develop one's personality and the right to be treated equally."

Nice. This almost makes up for everything, Germany. I know you've been some racist shits in the past, but if you ban Scientology, you'll be the only truly free nation in the Western world, and a model to other nations (ahem, U.S.)

You know Tommy Girl is P-I-S-S-E-D. He's probably in talks with David Miscavage right now about what to do. They'll probably try and pull the religious intolerance card, but please. Everyone knows that shit is a cult and not a religion. A cult that kills people.

Nail art is cool

Check out this video. It's some chick named Kid Sister featuring Kanye West. And it pays homage to one of the most ancient of beauty rituals...nail art. Of which I am an avid fan.

Remy Ma is a woman after my own heart

Remy Ma kept it real in an interview with XXL Magazine, and said maybe the coolest thing anyone's ever said in the history of Hip hop. Scratch that--it was the coolest thing anyone's ever said in the history of the world:

"I want to do nothing. I wanna go fucking shopping like every other bitch and get my pussy ate. I don’t give a fuck. What do you mean, What do I wanna do? I don’t wanna do nothing! I wanna shop and look fly and fuck my man."

Damn, this bitch is hard. I'm pretty sure she's got more street cred than Lil' Wayne. Then again, I'm a white Jew from suburbia. Jay walking makes you fucking 2pac where I'm from. But whatever. Remy tells it like it is, and I couldn't agree with her more.

And here's the video for "Conceited." It's good. She doesn't exactly have the lyrical skills of Lil' Kim, but I'll bet Kim wishes she was still this hot. She's about one plastic surgery procedure away from LaToya Jackson status.