STUNNING

What in Baywatch hell happened to Pamela Anderson? She looks like she did one-too-many rails off a stripper's ass last night and got woken up by a dickslap to the face. Poor lamb needs to bathe in virgin's blood. It works for Nicole Kidman.

I'm beginning to think there's a Baywatch curse. David Hasselhoff, you're next.

The Hills is Back Bitches

And it's more boring and self-absorbed than ever. No, that's a good thing! It's what I like best about this show. I don't know who started that rumor that the 4th season's viewership was down, but they are obviously smoking butt hair, because it was explosive and my modern-day hero Justin Bobby was back in action as Chicklet-Teeth's main dildo, so I was ecstatic. And Spencer was an amazing douche, as always. I can't wait to follow these whores around for another season of pointless awkward silences and forced drama!

Spaghetti Cat!

 

A rep for Fox finally solved the mystery of Spaghetti Cat! Basically it was a completely random image of a cat eating spaghetti that popped up during a broadcast of The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. They were discussing binge drinking and all of a sudden, without warning or provocation, the picture of Spaghetti Cat flashed on the screen. After a few seconds it went back to some teen sluts talking about binge drinking again. According to Fox's spokesbitch, Fox will show that image every time someone uses inappropriate language. They call it the new "bleep photo." 

I hope they have Denise Richards on that show soon. That way we'll get to see as much of Spaghetti Cat as possible. Hell, we'd see more of Spaghetti Cat than we would of Denise's fug face.

Ok Weezy, stop talking now

Weezy F. Baby was spitting some more nonsense at Blender Magazine this month. Mostly, it was all in good fun. When asked how he likes to waste time (and specifically, what he likes to watch on TV), he said,

"I don't watch anything where they go 'action' and 'cut' cause that means its not real. If I wanna see some acting, I can get 15 naked bitches to act out a scene. I'm a real life nigga. Life's too short for me to die tomorrow and the only thing I know about is the last episode of Law and Order."

But then he spilled this disturbing information:

"I wasn't ever no action-figure kid, if I wanted to fight, I'd fight for real." Wayne thanks his mother, Cita Carter, for this mentality. A tough-as-nails chef, she raised him by herself, teaching him early on how to act like a man. When he was in junior high, she gave him his first Glock, with instructions to empty it into the first guy that messed with him.

Maybe I'm just a little hyper-sensitive right now because I just finished the gut-wrenching 4th Season of The Wire, but WTF kind of woman does that shit? Was she trying to get him killed? I know I'm not allowed to have an opinion on this because I didn't grow up on the streets, I'm white, and I've never had the pleasure of being introduced to the juvenile justice system, but it seems to me that giving your middle school child a handgun only sets them up for, well, failure. In the form of death or dismemberment.

I wish he'd stop trying to rep his fucked up childhood like it's something to emulate. Inner city kids have enough obstacles to deal with. SMH.