Michael Lohan puts his acting chops to the test:

Michael "hey, remember me?" Lohan was participating in a nativity reenactment in Times Square last night. He played the part of Joseph. Which is in no way ironic. Apparently he spent most of the performance cradling a plastic baby Jesus. Then some bystander said, "Hopefully that baby Jesus turns out a little better than Lindsay." And hilarity ensued.

Happy Holidays!

This is awkward

Tommy Girl has been following Will Smith around like a lovesick puppy. He was there when Will put down his hand prints in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater, and he was there last night at the NYC premiere of "I Am Legend." Then cameras caught this intimate moment between the two of them:
Umm...geez, get a room, guys. It looks like Tommy leaned in for the kiss and Will switched it up last minute to go for the bro-pat-on-the-back. He's probably thinking, "Not in front of the kids, my love. Later we shall lie supine, entwined in each other's arms and clutching at each other's man-parts..."

I'm beginning to think Scientology is some kind of recovery/brainwash system for gay men in Hollywood who can't be out of the closet because of their careers. The evidence is piling up...

Justice is served

Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick was just sentenced to 23 months in prison for his participation in an illegal dog fighting ring. I just love it when the legal system takes it's head out of its ass for five seconds and deals out an appropriate penalty.

I remember when Whoopi Goldberg defended him by saying, "You know from his background this is not an unusual thing for where he comes from..." and "This is part of his cultural upbringing." Uh, so I guess she meant that being black and from the South is an excuse...because those people don't know right from wrong. Which is total bullshit. He wasn't dogfighting because he's black, or because he was raised in the South. He was dogfighting because he's a fucking ass-clown. Period.

Germany tries to make up for Holocaust; bans Scientology

Top officials announced today that they are seeking a ban on the Church of Scientology because it "threatens the peaceful democratic order." The interior ministers wouldn't disclose any specific information about the ban, but said,

"From a number of sources, some of them not available to the public, it has been determined that (the organization) seeks to limit or rescind basic and human rights, such as the right to develop one's personality and the right to be treated equally."

Nice. This almost makes up for everything, Germany. I know you've been some racist shits in the past, but if you ban Scientology, you'll be the only truly free nation in the Western world, and a model to other nations (ahem, U.S.)

You know Tommy Girl is P-I-S-S-E-D. He's probably in talks with David Miscavage right now about what to do. They'll probably try and pull the religious intolerance card, but please. Everyone knows that shit is a cult and not a religion. A cult that kills people.

Nail art is cool

Check out this video. It's some chick named Kid Sister featuring Kanye West. And it pays homage to one of the most ancient of beauty rituals...nail art. Of which I am an avid fan.

Remy Ma is a woman after my own heart

Remy Ma kept it real in an interview with XXL Magazine, and said maybe the coolest thing anyone's ever said in the history of Hip hop. Scratch that--it was the coolest thing anyone's ever said in the history of the world:

"I want to do nothing. I wanna go fucking shopping like every other bitch and get my pussy ate. I don’t give a fuck. What do you mean, What do I wanna do? I don’t wanna do nothing! I wanna shop and look fly and fuck my man."

Damn, this bitch is hard. I'm pretty sure she's got more street cred than Lil' Wayne. Then again, I'm a white Jew from suburbia. Jay walking makes you fucking 2pac where I'm from. But whatever. Remy tells it like it is, and I couldn't agree with her more.

And here's the video for "Conceited." It's good. She doesn't exactly have the lyrical skills of Lil' Kim, but I'll bet Kim wishes she was still this hot. She's about one plastic surgery procedure away from LaToya Jackson status.

I love JustinBobby

There is a high-larious spoof on The Hills done by Mila Kunis, playing the embattled Audrina, and James Franco, playing the insouciant JustinBobby. He's got it down--from the detached look of arrogance, to the hair toss, to the annoyingly vague, cryptic speech. Seriously, if JustinBobby leaves the show, I'm not watching it anymore and God must hate me. Check out the video here. I couldn't post it because the window is too wide and it doesn't fit on my page and it messes up my feng shui and shit.

Separated at birth?

I have no idea why they would take a perfectly beautiful girl on Top Model and give her a haircut that makes it look like she has downs. But then again I've learned not to question the wisdom of Tyra Banks, if for no other reason than the fact that she's a crazy bitch, and therefore defies logic.

BTW, the dude in the picture is some awesome fairy (I'm using the term literally, not in the derogatory sense) with his own website where he basically dresses up and goes clubbing and takes pictures of himself. You can see his website here. I wonder if that's his real hair, or if he has a weave too.

Lil' Wayne is magic

The quote on the cover of Complex Magazine with Lil' Wayne says: "I'm a martian and if you understand me then you're Jesus Christ." And I have no idea what that means, but I don't question genius. I'm just a simpleton, after all.

Posh gets her gigantic mammaries removed; becomes instantly classier

Recent photos of Posh are noticeably absent of the large, round orbs that had heretofore been posing as breasts. I guess she decided to go for the more natural look to match her dark hair. Bitch actually looks pretty good, too. Less like a Real Doll and more like an actual human being. She still needs to work on that vacant stare, though.

The Brits like gay people

Elton John's life partner, a Canadian by the name of David Furnish, is supporting a bill in the UK that would make it illegal to tell homophobic jokes. If the bill is passed and you are found guilty of gay-hatin' you could face up to 7 years in the slammer. David said,

"I think any sort of hatred is unacceptable so yes, I support it. That said, I think this country is unbelievably tolerant and I feel privileged to live here and to be married to a Brit - as well as thankful that I can be married to a Brit."

First of all, this guy is one lucky bitch because he has British citizenship. Hell, I'd marry Elton John for British citizenship. Secondly, this shit is just not gonna happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for gay pride, but how do you enforce something like that? It's like trying to outlaw ignorance. It's a nice thought, but what would we do without ignorant people? We'd have no one to look down on, make fun of, or otherwise disparage.

...And if you outlaw gay jokes than you have to outlaw Jew jokes, racist jokes, jokes about women, jokes about midgets, and you definitely can't tell jokes about black Jewish gay midgets. And I don't want to live in a world where you can't tell jokes about black Jewish gay midgets.

Thank God, even if this law passes, there's no way in hell it'd make it to America. Because in America there are few things held more sacred than the right to disseminate hatred. Oh, except maybe the right to a Starbuck's on every corner...and a drive-thru within 5 miles of your home... I think those are in the constitution.

PSAs about Pot have always been retarded

Why is it that no one can come up with a single good reason why smoking pot is going to ruin your life? Maybe because it won't. Anti-pot commercials are always emphasizing the "gateway drug" affect, where you start out smoking joints, and end up with a needle in your arm. Which is just um...well let's just say I have yet to meet a pothead who sits up one day and goes, "Hey, I want to get some crack and just go fucking crazy!"

But here's a PSA I actually remember from my own youth. It's less frightening than it is hilarious.

Stevie Wonder is awesome--Sesame Street used to be cool

Stevie really rocks the shit out for this performance on Sesame Street. Seriously, he's so good, it fucks with my head.

Sean Kingston has more money than you

Sean Kingston was the picture of understated elegance at NBC's Today Show this morning, rocking his iced-out 64-Crayola Box. Gotta love novelty man-jewelry made from blood diamonds...At the very least, I'm sure his neck is getting a rather strenuous workout.