Good Shit

What do you get when you mix the zen-like genius of Barack Obama, the pop culture appeal of MTV, the outstanding graphical lyricism of Shepard Fairey, and a shockingly unoffensive white rapper? This uplifting video from a a progressive interactive communications agency located in San Rafael, CA called Ursa Minor. Watch it and just try not to have warm, fuzzy feelings inside. I dare you.

Ok Weezy, stop talking now

Weezy F. Baby was spitting some more nonsense at Blender Magazine this month. Mostly, it was all in good fun. When asked how he likes to waste time (and specifically, what he likes to watch on TV), he said,

"I don't watch anything where they go 'action' and 'cut' cause that means its not real. If I wanna see some acting, I can get 15 naked bitches to act out a scene. I'm a real life nigga. Life's too short for me to die tomorrow and the only thing I know about is the last episode of Law and Order."

But then he spilled this disturbing information:

"I wasn't ever no action-figure kid, if I wanted to fight, I'd fight for real." Wayne thanks his mother, Cita Carter, for this mentality. A tough-as-nails chef, she raised him by herself, teaching him early on how to act like a man. When he was in junior high, she gave him his first Glock, with instructions to empty it into the first guy that messed with him.

Maybe I'm just a little hyper-sensitive right now because I just finished the gut-wrenching 4th Season of The Wire, but WTF kind of woman does that shit? Was she trying to get him killed? I know I'm not allowed to have an opinion on this because I didn't grow up on the streets, I'm white, and I've never had the pleasure of being introduced to the juvenile justice system, but it seems to me that giving your middle school child a handgun only sets them up for, well, failure. In the form of death or dismemberment.

I wish he'd stop trying to rep his fucked up childhood like it's something to emulate. Inner city kids have enough obstacles to deal with. SMH.

This is a load of shit

That old ho John McCain is trying to sully Obama's reputation by comparing him to skanks like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. All on the basis that he's reached a celebrity-like status. Ok look, just because he's smarter, more charismatic, better looking, and younger than McCain's ancient ass doesn't make him anything like Brit Brit Spears or Parasite Hilton. In order to be like them he'd have to start sleeping with half of Hollywood, spreading venereal diseases, showing papz his meat curtains, talking in a fake British accent, and living on a diet of Fraps and Cheetos. As far as I'm aware, he's not doing any of that.

Sorry McCain, you lose. And you're old.

Send them to Iraq!

In their relentless pursuit of infamy, dumb twatface and her whorebag BF want to go to Iraq to perform for the troops and show their young Republican pride. Because that is just exactly what shell-shocked marines on their fourth tour of Iraq want to be subjected to: the pathetic wail of a plastic horsey-faced donkey--and her significant other's creepy flesh-colored beard. 

When I carefully consider the possibilities though, I have decided it would be an excellent idea to send these cuntfucks to Iraq, as they conveniently personify everything that is wrong with America. But they better not fucking survive, or they'll have fodder for their next reality show.

This is not okay

Fucktard and Douche Breath took some of their $10,000 arsenal to the shooting range the other day and brought along their favorite Pap agency to take more "candids" of them. This is getting out of hand. If these two vaginas personify the American Dream, I want to move to the Gaza Strip. In fact, the only time I believe in promoting the use of violence is if it is being used directly against these asstards. So, all you hicks with personal assault weapons, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Heidi uses abortion as a form of birth control and Spencer is a member of Greenpeace. Let the hate crimes begin.

Yo, douche!

Ugh, when I see shit like this it all makes sense to me why there are other countries out there trying to bomb us into oblivion. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever two talentless whores like Heidi "Ho" and the Spence-douche should get media attention. Unless it's because they're donating their brains to a monkey science lab.

Happy (Belated) Easter

Better late than never. I'm a Jew, so I don't give a shit anyway. I just wanted an excuse to post another creepy holiday photo-op with G.W. Look! He loves bunnies!

George W. Bush cares about black people...part 2

George W. Bush cares about black people

See? Look at him caring about black people. I misunderestimated his devotion to the cause.

Herra fucked up doo...

Way to go Sales Genie, for broadcasting the most racist commercial I've seen in a long time. Pandas speaking in stereotypically "Chinese" accents?? Hilarious! And so essential to the message you were trying to convey about finding good sales leads. Because having dogs with Russian accents just really wouldn't have gotten the point across.
And yet somehow, this was NOT rated the worst commercial of the Super Bowl. Nice.

Major TV networks might be racist

I hate these "blind item" thingies because I never know if they're blind because we actually can't find out who they're about or because the writer is just keeping it from us to be a dick. Anyway, I came across this one this morning on Gatecrasher that I thought was interesting:

"Which reality-show clogged network had to change it's casting procedures after a racist internal policy was leaked? Producers had an informal ban on considering cast members who were 'too black.' They claimed it was because darker skin tones were hard to pick up on camera."

 Sounds like a perfectly reasonable policy for a perfectly reasonable, respectable industry that in no way exploits the individuals participating in it. Ha, who am I kidding? They probably have a policy against anyone with an IQ over 85 too because such individuals are reluctant to take their clothes off/perform intimate acts with strippers on camera.  They've figured out by now that the best reality show candidates are ignorant and self-involved--maybe with a side of Daddy Issues thrown in for good measure.  The only real dilemma the networks are presented with as a result of this policy is how to perpetuate racial stereotypes when they can't use black people. How can they portray the token angry black man they hold so dear to their programming? Or the emotionally unstable black ho/walking video vixen? Thank God they've got creative types working over there at MTV and VH1...I'm sure they'll think of something.

Britney is good for the economy

Portfolio Magazine (whuh?) claims that the "Britney Industrial Complex," is basically responsible for keeping our shitty economy afloat. Apparently, if you want your product to sell better, all you have to do is align it with the popwreck, and you'll rake in an average of 33% more revinue. 

Obviously, she's best for the tabloid mags, who milked an estimated $360 million off her ass this year, but she also benefits blogs, perfumes, Starbucks, gas stations, Rite Aid, and of course, Kevin Federline. So, next time you get a raise, a tax break, or find a dollar on the ground, thank Britney!

Apparently God hated this "sordid, tacky bucket of slime seasoned with vomit"

In a touching gesture, some crazies in Kansas have put out this press release celebrating the untimely death of Heath Ledger as an expression of God's Will and proof of their rightliness. God, it's people like this that put the "douche" in douchebag...the "ass" in asshole...Now someone get me a .22 and a fucking shovel.

In memory of MLK

"Segregation is the adultery of an illicit intercourse between injustice and immorality."

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Here's a funny picture of our ass-clown president to get you in the holiday spirit. And by holiday spirit I mean bludgeoning douchebags to death spirit. Cuz, you know, that's what the holidays are all about--pent-up anger finally boiling over in a seething cauldron of rage that manifests itself in impromptu sobfests and violence directed at old ladies and kittens. Yeah.

Those assholes at Maxim are fucking racists

Maxim, purveyor of quality, engaging magazine content, made some stupid list of the top 5 most "unsexy" women in Hollywood, and it was populated by a couple of hot messes, a couple of Jews, a wannabe Jew, and an Asian. Here it is:

1) Sarah Jessica Parker
2) Amy Winehouse
3) Sandra Oh
4) Madonna
5) Britney Spears

Okay, so Britney and Wino--that's fair. Their unsexiness goes far more than skin deep. One is a ghoulish, beehived freak with a drug problem, and the other is a crotch-flashing, 10,000 calorie-a-day-eating, unfit mother who can't sing. But WTF is up with putting Sandra Oh at #3? She's not even ugly. She has no business being on that list in a world where people like Tara Reid and Kimberly Stewart aren't even included. And Sarah Jessica Parker, who I'll be the first to admit is no great beauty, is the #1 most unsexy woman alive? C'mon! That's total bullshit! What about Rita Cosby, Ann Coulter, and Nancy Grace? Those are all women who take unsexy to a whole new level-- they're all woman-hating ho-bags! Especially Ann Coulter, who obviously thinks of herself as a pretty hot piece. Bitch should have been #1!!

So, basically, if you want to avoid being put on Maxim's Most Unsexy list, you can be diseased, prone to ending up face down in a pile of your own vomit, stupid, incoherent, and generally disgusting but you'd better not be old, Jewish, or have non-Caucasian features. Because you know, that shit is just plain U-G-L-Y.

Here are the lucky winners:

Sarah Jessica Parker:


Amy Winehouse:


Sandra Oh:


Madonna:


Britney Spears:

He's not as dumb as we all thought

Whenever Arnold Schwarzenegger opens his mouth, cool stuff comes out. Who can forget his many memorable one-liners from Pumping Iron? God, he was awesome in that movie.

Anyway, he's at it again. After boldly proclaiming he's never done drugs, he either remembered or was reminded that there's video footage of him smoking weed in a 1970's documentary. So he says this:

"That is not a drug. It's a leaf. My drug was pumping iron, trust me."

And the guy isn't lying. Here's how he described the art of bodybuilding in Pumping Iron:

"It's as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know? As, ah, having sex with a woman and coming. And so can you believe how much I am in heaven? I am like, uh, getting the feeling of coming in a gym, I'm getting the feeling of coming at home, I'm getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I am coming day and night. I mean, it's terrific. Right? So you know, I am in heaven."

How can you possibly fault such bulletproof logic? What does a guy need drugs for if his whole life is one long orgasm? You can't defeat the Governator. And do you know why? Because it's impossible to defeat someone who has his head so far up his ass that he hasn't seen the light of day for the better half of this century. Now that's what makes a good politician.

And this is America...

Some douche named Katt Williams showed up to the BET Hip Hop awards wearing a noose around his neck. A fucking noose. Worst of all, I'm sure he was totally aware that there were members of the Jena Six in attendance. What was he trying to do, be ironic? Thought-provoking? The only thing ironic about this outfit is that he wasn't punched in the face by someone with common human decency.

Has anyone even heard of this ass-clown? He's a comedian? Wow, he must be a fucking riot.

Ann Coulter is still fucking annoying

Ann Coulter is a complete fucking retard. Half the shit that comes out of her mouth is total bullshit meant to shock people and get them talking. Which is why I almost didn't even want to bring her up. Because if you talk about Ann Coulter, Ann Coulter wins. But still, if you help propagate the retarded crackpot theories she comes up with, maybe someone will get mad enough to kill her. Oh wait, you didn't hear that from me.

Here's some of the latest from an interview she did with the New York Observer:

"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women. It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that it has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it’s the party of women and 'We’ll pay for health care and tuition and day care -- and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?'"

In order to be a polarizing figure (which is what I assume she's going for) what she says actually has to make a modicum of sense. All she's doing now is uniting people against her. She's like that crazy lady on the corner who poops her pants and carries on animated monologues about UFOs and Reaganomics. No one with a vagina, much less a brain, would take anything she has to say seriously.

Racism? What racism??

For those of you who don't know about the Jena Six, please read this article. I don't normally write about important shit but this just makes me so mad I could cry.

So six students have been charged with attempted murder for beating up a white student. Keep in mind the victim did suffer a concussion and multiple bruises, but was well enough to attend a school function on the day of the beating. Parents of the students charged with attempted murder say the town is determined to "keep institutionalized slavery alive and well." Most white residents however, see no connection between the nooses hanging from the tree in the school's quad (an act that was dismissed as nothing more than "a prank" by school officials) and the fight that broke out months later. In the words of the town's librarian, it "just didn't seem to be racist."

Meanwhile 2 of the students whose parents were unable to make bail (set between $70,000 and $120,000) have spent the past 7 months in jail awaiting trial. Keep in mind, these kids are between the ages of 15 and 17 and they're facing 20 years to life in prison. One student has already been convicted of aggravated battery by an all-white jury and faces 22 years.

Seriously though, this shit is ridiculous. It just really goes to show how far we haven't come. The district attorney was out to get these kids from the beginning. He told the local paper that when the students were convicted, he would seek the maximum penalty allowed, and threatened in a school assembly that he could "end their lives with the stroke of a pen."

According to one of the boys' fathers, for better or for worse, now his son "knows what it is to be black."